oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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