she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Randomize
