Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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