I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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