The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize