I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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