dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
