i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
