i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
