Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
