i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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