she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
