WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
