this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Someone signed my nipple.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
