How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
