we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
