I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
