I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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