i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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