My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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