So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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