well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm always down for nudity.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
