We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
please come you make the beer taste better
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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