3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize