Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
this just has baby written all over it
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Randomize
