My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
