So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
