Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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