Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
