then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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