I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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