She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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