direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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