lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
