I wish you could order shots online.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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