Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
