I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize