When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize