I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
