Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
