You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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