I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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