My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
