Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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