I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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