bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
