he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
