I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
as a side note pls kill me
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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