i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
