watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
