i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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