i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm really busy with my period
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