I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
