We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
