the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
