Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize