Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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