His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
