My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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