And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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