All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
