I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
