My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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