Betty ford says i'm here all night
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
