Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
