1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize