The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
